Friday, December 19, 2014

my confused thoughts.

i found something worth dying for again
maybe this time I'll win
begin anew and knock down my walls
failing to become famous overall
taller than my problems
but shorter than my actions
pressuring for reaction 
from people 
that's been attacking
actuality always creeps from beneath the night 
I'm eager to clear my sight
but my pupils are clouded
sounds of happiness from my front window
the people above me are aroused
while I'm down
I'm not sad
just not happy either 
I guess that's what Cobain said when he pulled the trigger
figures that being this lonely 
can hurt this bad
but if you ignore pain long enough
it'll ignore itself.
so hello white walls
carpet floor
that mysterious gust of wind
that dances underneath my front door
talk to me 
I'm all ears
I close my eyes
because I'm scared of fear
my tear buckets
are filled w nothing here
so I'm allowed to suffer 
my shirt is wrinkled in odd places
my shoes are covered in bad rubber 
from walking the middle of roads
hoping someone at least notice my
depression laying over me
cloaked but it's still a cover
i found something worth dying for again
but this time it really ain't no better
then walking outside
w a turtle neck
shorts on and flip flops
in below cold weather
pressure from TVs social networks
and crazy dreams
like tryna find the right path to my goals
when it's right under me
100 secrets in my head 
hiding from the light
delight in talking to a mirror
because it's the only person that might
send a smile back or care enough 
to push a hello out the crack of it's soul
colder than Everest
she was in control
I lost hope when I didn't see her glow
paralyzed 
no concentration 
sad w no hesitation 
i guess the nation
of sorrow swam my way
im generous
Yet full of lost anger
from things beyond danger
misplaced feelings falling from peaks 
of hollow angels 
couldn't control my angles 
thought I said the truth
but she took it like a stranger
fame or fortune 
I have neither
but a warm heart 
And dusty shoes
is what I breath for
simplicity in my lungs 
that's all I scream for
grab my hand 
kiss my forehead
Tell me it's ok
trouble seems much easier
when you whisper it that way 
maybe I'm beyond sentimental 
but they say I'm a rebel w no cause
when really I'm just being experimental
hope you see the shallow smile
that glides across my face
my eyes turn gold in the summer
only towards big butts and nature
my motives are too simple
my granny told me
that's why they hate ya
so I thank the trees leaves branches birds
And greens that I walk along 
to find peace 
that's better for me
because when i think deep thoughts of myself 
im convinced that I'm crazier than what seems.




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